Everybody loves a winner. Losers? Not so much. Witness the daily comments in the Journal bemoaning the fact that the Lobos are ranked the worst college football team in America by ESPN. Lobo fans can’t wait for basketball season to begin. Rather than looking for the positive signs of progress in the team, fans measure success by wins and losses. Of course that is easy for me to say since I am an alumnus of the University of Oregon – currently ranked #2 in the nation. I am certain if my beloved Ducks were at the bottom instead of the top, I’d be miserable and calling for the coach’s firing too.
It’s hard to always look for the best in others, particularly in times of stress and emotion. In the heat of a sporting event I have heard fans say awful things to the referees, opposing players, even to their own kids. I know – I have done it myself. But passion for the game does not excuse boorish behavior from adults who ought to know better.
Rachel Scott’s first challenge: To always look for the best in others – really is a challenge because it is so easy to look for the worst in others. As I confessed in a previous column, I am a recovering perfectionist. Looking for imperfections is as natural to me as breathing. I have to work hard at looking for what is right in a situation. So when I am challenged to always look for the best in others, I have to admit that is a true challenge. But it is a challenge I accept because I know ultimately it will make me and everyone around me happier.
The second part of Rachel’s challenge is to eliminate prejudice. Prejudice simply means to prejudge another. Do you prejudge others? At times I do, I admit it. I might look at the kind of car a person drives and make a snap judgment about the person. Or their bumper stickers or the lawn signs in front of a house and on and on. It’s wrong I know because a person’s bumper stickers aren’t the person. More toxic is the kind of prejudice that discriminates against another person based things they can’t control (a disability or their native language). It is a challenge but I am working harder since Rachel’s Challenge to eliminate prejudice in my life.
One hundred eighty Taylor students attended a special training Monday afternoon to learn how to implement Rachel’s Challenge in our school. That is nearly one third of our student body. They are hungry to learn ways to spread kindness and compassion at Taylor. I am working with several adult sponsors to start a Friends of Rachel Club for these students. These students are our future leaders. They are the ones who will learn how to see the best in others and strive to eliminate prejudice at Taylor and in our country.
Parents, you can help us with this effort by having a conversation with your child about this first challenge. Start by examining yourself and asking how frequently you look for the best in others and looking at your prejudices. Then talk to your kids about it. Kids learn prejudice – it isn’t transmitted genetically. I know I taught my kids a few bad habits that I now hear repeated in my grandchildren. Yikes! Talk about humbling. Then have a family discussion about how you can help each other look for the best in others. Talk about how you prejudge others. Challenge yourself to become a better person. Then proudly put on your UNM sweatshirt and count down the days until the start of the basketball season. Go Lobos!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Balloons and blessings
Is there a more magnificent sight than seeing a hundred colorful hot air balloons floating lazily over the North Valley? Today’s Balloon Fiesta launch took several balloons directly over Taylor and several floated within a finger’s reach of our parking lot. Three landed across the field and one landed in our soccer field. It was quite exciting watching these beautiful balloons unexpectedly drop into our backyard.
But life is like that. Sometimes when you least expect it, some thing or someone drops into your lap at just the right time. I recall a line from a Zorro movie where Anthony Hopkins tells Antonio Banderas “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” The point seems to be true, at least in my experience. When you are least expecting it, good things happen. That has happened more than once this school year in our hiring of teachers and staff. On at least two occasions I received letters of resignations from experienced teachers only to get applications from equally outstanding teachers the very next day. It was unexpected but not surprising.
Lately I have come to believe more and more that life is full of blessings waiting to be received and recognized. Some might call it karma, or luck, or chance, or even fate. My beliefs persuade me that divine providence has a hand in it. So often I hear people say “things happen for a purpose” and I believe that.
My wife Lynn first experienced unexplainable neurological symptoms in May 2007 – slurring of speech, tongue tremors, and difficulty swallowing. In June 2008 she was diagnosed with Progressive Bulbar Palsy (a form of Lou Gehrig’s disease). She told me at the time that her disease was going to be a blessing for our family. Yeah right, I thought, what a blessing to lose your ability to speak, swallow, and eventually breathe. After 41 months of watching her deal with this illness, I have come to see that she was prescient.
Because she cannot speak, those who don’t know her often think she is mentally retarded. This challenged her pride because she is exceptionally intelligent. But I see how this has helped transformed her into a truly saintly woman. She always smiles and never complains. As her body weakens, her spirit grows stronger. She teaches me every day that life is a gift from God and is to be treasured.
So as I delighted in the hot air balloons that dropped into neighboring fields this morning, I couldn’t help but think about all the unrecognized blessings that drop into our laps each day. Balloons are big and colorful and are hard to miss. Other blessings, like Lynn’s disease, are a little harder to recognize. But they have one thing in common; they come from above and have the potential of lifting us up if we allow them to.
But life is like that. Sometimes when you least expect it, some thing or someone drops into your lap at just the right time. I recall a line from a Zorro movie where Anthony Hopkins tells Antonio Banderas “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” The point seems to be true, at least in my experience. When you are least expecting it, good things happen. That has happened more than once this school year in our hiring of teachers and staff. On at least two occasions I received letters of resignations from experienced teachers only to get applications from equally outstanding teachers the very next day. It was unexpected but not surprising.
Lately I have come to believe more and more that life is full of blessings waiting to be received and recognized. Some might call it karma, or luck, or chance, or even fate. My beliefs persuade me that divine providence has a hand in it. So often I hear people say “things happen for a purpose” and I believe that.
My wife Lynn first experienced unexplainable neurological symptoms in May 2007 – slurring of speech, tongue tremors, and difficulty swallowing. In June 2008 she was diagnosed with Progressive Bulbar Palsy (a form of Lou Gehrig’s disease). She told me at the time that her disease was going to be a blessing for our family. Yeah right, I thought, what a blessing to lose your ability to speak, swallow, and eventually breathe. After 41 months of watching her deal with this illness, I have come to see that she was prescient.
Because she cannot speak, those who don’t know her often think she is mentally retarded. This challenged her pride because she is exceptionally intelligent. But I see how this has helped transformed her into a truly saintly woman. She always smiles and never complains. As her body weakens, her spirit grows stronger. She teaches me every day that life is a gift from God and is to be treasured.
So as I delighted in the hot air balloons that dropped into neighboring fields this morning, I couldn’t help but think about all the unrecognized blessings that drop into our laps each day. Balloons are big and colorful and are hard to miss. Other blessings, like Lynn’s disease, are a little harder to recognize. But they have one thing in common; they come from above and have the potential of lifting us up if we allow them to.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Mean girls?
The only time I have ever been physically hurt in my career as a principal was breaking up a girl-fight. It was a nasty hair-pulling, face-scratching affair on the last day of school. My assistant principal and I waded into the middle of it (actually, we attacked it from the outside so as to not get between the two fighters). I ended up spraining my wrist trying to pull them apart and my assistant got her foot stomped on. Chick-fights happen as often as guy-fights but often for different reasons. When guys fight, it is often territorial or because they got manipulated by “friends” into defending their honor. Girls also get manipulated but they are also susceptible to bullying. And this bullying can lead to fighting or worse. The following article by Christina Wood which appeared in “Edutopia” helps explain how female bullying works:
“Mean Girls”
“When girls bully, there may be no telltale bruises, but the damage is no less devastating to the victim. Just ask the tens of thousands of girls who are ostracized, ridiculed, and made to feel worthless every day by their peers. Bullying by girls -- often called relational bullying -- is social rather than physical. The bully organizes a group to shun or punish one girl. The victim's classmates, not wanting to be the target themselves, follow the bully's lead, even though they may actually like the girl being snubbed. "Adults often ignore this form of bullying or don't notice it,” says Erica Dauber, communications director for the Ophelia Project, which is dedicated to creating a safe emotional climate in schools. But this type of behavior is very common. "We see it from infancy to the retirement home," says Dauber. In kindergarten, a victim might be excluded from birthday parties. In middle school, she may be ridiculed and made to sit alone. In high school, the aggressor might spread rumors to isolate her target. At every age, it's traumatic for the victim. "It attacks basic self-esteem,” says Dauber. "We hear a lot of suicide stories about victims. Girls need to feel they belong. If they don't get that from their peers, they need caring adults to turn to so they won't feel like, 'I want to die.'" Independent filmmaker Roberta McMillan trained a camera on one case of relational bullying to show how damaging it can be when a girl feels she has nowhere to turn. "The bully doesn't see her victim as a person," says McMillan. "And she doesn't see the result of her actions." Rats and Bullies, McMillan's film, focuses on the tragedy of Dawn-Marie Wesley of Mission, British Columbia. The fourteen-year-old was relentlessly tormented by former friends, and in despair she hung herself in her bedroom. A suicide note named her bullies. The case led to a significant court decision that found two of the bullies guilty of "uttering threats." By interviewing Dawn-Marie's brother, who found her body, her parents, now divorced, Dawn-Marie's best friend, who carries the guilt of not "ratting," and one of the bullies, who "never meant it to go that far," the film demonstrates that for girls, the social world is often their entire world. Without help, many cannot see past it. -- Source: http://www.edutopia.org/fear-factor
We want to avoid what happened to Dawn-Marie at all costs. This is one of the reasons behind bringing Rachel’s Challenge to Taylor. Our counselors are implementing an additional bully prevention program this year to help keep our students safe. If you feel your daughter (or son) is being bullied, speak up. Let a teacher or counselor or principal know what is happening. By telling an adult we can work together with the child to prevent violence. Please help us identify bullies so we can help prevent bullying at Taylor.
“Mean Girls”
“When girls bully, there may be no telltale bruises, but the damage is no less devastating to the victim. Just ask the tens of thousands of girls who are ostracized, ridiculed, and made to feel worthless every day by their peers. Bullying by girls -- often called relational bullying -- is social rather than physical. The bully organizes a group to shun or punish one girl. The victim's classmates, not wanting to be the target themselves, follow the bully's lead, even though they may actually like the girl being snubbed. "Adults often ignore this form of bullying or don't notice it,” says Erica Dauber, communications director for the Ophelia Project, which is dedicated to creating a safe emotional climate in schools. But this type of behavior is very common. "We see it from infancy to the retirement home," says Dauber. In kindergarten, a victim might be excluded from birthday parties. In middle school, she may be ridiculed and made to sit alone. In high school, the aggressor might spread rumors to isolate her target. At every age, it's traumatic for the victim. "It attacks basic self-esteem,” says Dauber. "We hear a lot of suicide stories about victims. Girls need to feel they belong. If they don't get that from their peers, they need caring adults to turn to so they won't feel like, 'I want to die.'" Independent filmmaker Roberta McMillan trained a camera on one case of relational bullying to show how damaging it can be when a girl feels she has nowhere to turn. "The bully doesn't see her victim as a person," says McMillan. "And she doesn't see the result of her actions." Rats and Bullies, McMillan's film, focuses on the tragedy of Dawn-Marie Wesley of Mission, British Columbia. The fourteen-year-old was relentlessly tormented by former friends, and in despair she hung herself in her bedroom. A suicide note named her bullies. The case led to a significant court decision that found two of the bullies guilty of "uttering threats." By interviewing Dawn-Marie's brother, who found her body, her parents, now divorced, Dawn-Marie's best friend, who carries the guilt of not "ratting," and one of the bullies, who "never meant it to go that far," the film demonstrates that for girls, the social world is often their entire world. Without help, many cannot see past it. -- Source: http://www.edutopia.org/fear-factor
We want to avoid what happened to Dawn-Marie at all costs. This is one of the reasons behind bringing Rachel’s Challenge to Taylor. Our counselors are implementing an additional bully prevention program this year to help keep our students safe. If you feel your daughter (or son) is being bullied, speak up. Let a teacher or counselor or principal know what is happening. By telling an adult we can work together with the child to prevent violence. Please help us identify bullies so we can help prevent bullying at Taylor.
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